LIFE AFTER MISCARRIAGE
A Toolkit for Women Who Have Miscarried
Life after Miscarriage
Reactions to miscarriage are as unique as fingerprints. Some women are able to process the experience relatively quickly, while others experience unrelenting pain and grief.
If you are grieving after miscarriage, what can you do? You know what to do when a grandparent dies, but what do you do with your grief after miscarriage? This lack of a cultural process causes “disenfranchised grief,” or grief that isn’t publicly recognized. This makes you less likely to express your thoughts and feelings, although this is a critical part of the grieving process.
3 Things to Remember
To help you process your miscarriage, remember these 3 things:
- You are not alone.
- You have the right to grieve. Any emotions that you are experiencing are valid.
- There are steps that you can take to help yourself.
Most people believe that miscarriage is rare, yet 1 out of 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. 1 out of 4. Truly, you are not alone.
5 Steps for You: Opening Up about Miscarriage
If you are experiencing grief after miscarriage, this toolkit can help you! Here are our recommended activities to finding your path to peace.
- Visit of our website miscarriagehurts.com. Start with the Building Support section. This page provides a structure for you to create safe and healthy communication with friends and family about your miscarriage experience.
- Recognize that you are not alone. On the Stories section of our website, you will see many anonymous stories, written by people who have experienced miscarriage. (Note: Some of these stories are raw and painful and may be difficult to read.) Posting your own anonymous story could help you – and other women – too.
- Express Your Loss. If you are more comfortable expressing your emotions online, use our hashtag #ForgetMeNot2020 to start an online conversation about your loss.
- Check out these resources. Life Perspectives has provided a list of resources, articles and advice below, just for you. The more you explore, the more you’ll realize that your feelings are natural and normal, and that you are not alone.
- Support Groups and therapy. Reach out! Ask for help! Find a support group or therapist in your area when you need it! If you can’t find a support group in your area, perhaps create your own? You may be surprised at how many other women are also struggling to process their own miscarriage experiences.
10 Ways to Memorialize Your Miscarried Baby
- Celebrate their memory with a memorial service using eco-friendly lanterns, balloons or a paper boat. Other options include floating flowers, writing in sand and letting it wash away, a candlelight vigil, a ceremonial bonfire or releasing ladybugs into your garden. This memorial service can also be repeated on milestone days.
- Create and wear memorial jewelry.
- Write about – or to – your baby in a diary or blog. For a memorial service, you can write on seed paper that dissolves as it floats away.
- Plant a memorial tree or garden.
- Buy an indoor plaque or outdoor garden angel.
- Donate to a charity that helps others like you.
- Hold your own fundraiser to help a charity.
- Buy a teddy bear or something to hug.
- Visit MiscarriageHurts.com. Life Perspectives has created MiscarriageHurts.com to provide healing pathways to process your grief, to explore your emotions and tell your story.
- Work with your faith leader to include your baby in a service or event. You may also want to consider naming your baby.
Articles: How Miscarriage Can Impact Your Relationship
These articles are proof that reactions to miscarriage are as unique as fingerprints. They offer a glimpse into the widely differing ways that miscarriage impacts relationships.
Marriage Lessons I Learned after Miscarriage, The Every Mom
Miscarriage and Marriage Problems, InStyle
You can be Closer after Miscarriage, Palo Alto Online
- MiscarriageHurts.com: Life Perspective’s website to provide you with the tools you need to emotionally heal after miscarriage.
- Coping with Grief and Loss, a HelpGuide of resources to understand and navigate grief after loss.
- The Miscarriage Association (UK) offers a toolkit to explore your feelings and take next steps
- Health Direct (Australia) also offers a guidance after miscarriage.
Grief Support Websites
Climb-support.org (for multiple losses)
Hope After Loss, (2019) a booklet of grief exercises, along with personal stories, written by Life Perspectives’ President and CEO Michaelene Fredenburg and Carole Porter.
Empty Arms: Coping with Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Death (1982), by Sherokee Ilse
Empty Cradle, Broken Heart (1991), by Deborah Davis
Grief Unseen (2006), Laura Seiftel
It’s Not “Just” a Heavy Period: The Miscarriage Handbook (2017), by Elizabeth Petrucelli
I Will Carry You (2010), by Angie Smith
Silent Sorrow: Pregnancy Loss (2000), by Ingrid Kohn
Healing Your Grieving Heart after Miscarriage, 100 Practical Ideas for Parents and Families (2015), Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D
Memorials and Gifts
Sharp Mary Birch Hospital
Urns, Caskets, & Monuments
GardenofInnocence.org: may donate casket or urn in a perinatal loss
Websites for Memorial Items
LifePerspectives.com. Our shopping page includes bereavement cards, memorial jewelry and more.
Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep (Professional Network): NowILayMeDownToSleep.org